Piss-holes in the snow, revisited
I’ve heard the “when it rains it pours” a couple times the past week, but nobody said anything about the 110mph straight-line winds and the flying cow that’ll land on the truck.
I’m tired. I haven’t eaten much at all in the past few days, though I persistently feel stuffed. My eyes look like what again? Though we don’t have any snow here for a photo comparison.
Two nights ago, little boy decided to just stay up all night playing. Got about 2 hours of sleep. Last night he was screaming like he was scared to death from 1130pm til 615am. Nothing I could do could stop it. He’d settle down for a few seconds then as soon as I’d move, at 100% again. He was burning up, but I couldn’t get him to take anything. The way he was grinding his teeth, maybe he’s cutting molars. Got Grace on the bus, sat down with Sean, and well, I got warm and gooey as did the couch and himself. He puked all over me. Awesome.
He finally passed out at 8am for 2 hours or so, and so did I. Then the phone rings…and rings, and rings. I wish I had a reverse phone-line tazer for telemarketers. Now that would be awesome.
Saw Jessica today, she hasn’t eaten in a week by the looks of it. She wants to work things out, and I’d like to as well…but well, we’ll see. If nothing changes then nothing changes and we’ll be back to a few days ago again. I don’t want to work things out just so she has a place to stay and doesn’t have to work and can stew in her own negativity for hours every day and go find the next closest dude so she can get laid. I know, a few people have already mentioned it, don’t just look the other way. I’m not, I just am having some hope that Jess doesn’t do this again.
Anyways, she’s trying to get out of there by tomorrow, though she’s not sure if she can yet. She still hasn’t really talked to anybody that I’m aware of about Monday. That seems like weeks ago right now.
And I’m damned tired, have hours of work that I have to get done, and look what I’m doing. What kind of friends are you, reading this instead of telling me to get back to work.
Audi
I’m not sure what to feel
Last Thursday I told Jessica, before she left on her 4 day getaway, one last time that I was still willing on working on the marriage if she was willing to move forward with dealing with her past and the problems she has in her head that were steering the marriage into the ground. I also told her that if she couldn’t do that, then we couldn’t work on it. This was the third time in as many weeks as I’ve said this, I was just trying to give her reassurance and maybe change her mind.
Thursday night she more or less told me that I was no different than any other guy she’ll ever fuck or ever has, it was just sex and nothing special about it, and that I should just accept that.
She spent the weekend with her boyfriend. During that time from what I’ve been able to tell, he told her that he was leaving. She came home and told Monday that she still wanted to work on us, but was convinced that it wasn’t her that needed to change, she was going to maintain the status quo. I told her that I couldn’t work like this anymore, and that we had to get divorced. I did tell her that I wasn’t kicking her out, that this could be done gracefully and leave her prepared to move on. I went to work for a couple of hours.
I got an email from Jess telling me what she had done. I left work then, came home, called the paramedics, and here we are.
I did just get off the phone with her. I told her what I still feel very strongly, that I love her and if she wants to really work at ‘us’ that I’ll be there. I said she just has to learn to trust me with who she really is, her feelings, the things she’s really scared to let go of.
I hope it works out. I’m emotionally tired right now. She did tell me that she does want to move forward. She also said she’ll be in the hospital for a couple more days and I told her that if she needs more time to take it.
