This is one small reason why the world hates U.S.
This story outlines something that happens every year somewhere in the states.
I’ve been in areas of the world where people are crushed to death in stampedes to get food, basic necessities of life, maybe saved from an attack. Here, we stampede and kill people for stuff. Just everyday stuff. Crap. Shiny shit. It wasn’t a stampede for a buy one, get one free on bread and milk, but for consumer electronics, toys, stuff that really doesn’t matter.
There are many reasons I have gotten fed up with serving the people of this country in different forms, this being one of them. The people I serve don’t care that I do, don’t care that anybody does, as long as they get their non-essential stuff to show other people.
I don’t know, it makes me sad to know that there are thousands of people giving up everything in their lives to make this country safe, so the population can remain dumb, ignorant, and complacent so they can focus on shiny shit. This is even more pronounced in a time when people should be saving the money they have to support their futures and that of their families instead of being taken over by the rush of anxiety because they hope they get one of those Sony’s for 1/3 off before they run out of them.
As much as I love my country, I really just can’t stand the people in it much anymore, along with the fucked perspectives of what’s important.
Citibank and the Fed
A quick post. My curiosity peaked this weekend after hearing the Fed is bailing out Citibank.
My question is, is this a conflict of interest? I mean, the whole Fed went with Citibank a few months ago as the vendor for issuing and maintaining the Government credit cards. Every agency, to include the Military, has been issued Citibank credit cards, which go live on November 30th.
With the Fed controlling a stake in the very company that is going to be issuing the credit for the government, doesn’t this constitute a vested interest and therefore a conflict of interest?
Stranger in a strange land
This was my all time favorite album back in the say. Though I can’t remember most of the songs now, and vaguely remember the lyrics, it reminds me of a day a long time ago that I was confused about a lot of things in life.
Now, I can look back and say that pretty much everybody at that age, regardless of circumstances, is confused about everything. I revisit this now because there are other areas in my life that are sometimes confusing, though not for a logical reason.
I don’t feel confused about the path I’m on and the one I decided to take a few years ago, more confused about the things I find laying in this path that look small but end up becoming obstacles. One object, though has been an obstacle, has finally been cleared for the most part. I was injured a few times while I was on active duty, it was never a huge concern of mine, but well, getting a little bit older I realize that those old injuries were starting to become more than a nuisance. I tried to get a profile for my injuries in the the National Guard, which means that I have a permanent restriction for certain things. Specifically, I didn’t want to do sit-ups because it really hurts. This ended up becoming a drama fit for daytime TV, and is coming to an end with me receiving paperwork last Friday of the NG’s intent on medically discharging me. This really hurt me, getting this paperwork. It’s like a friend telling you that they got everything they needed from you, sorry you had to damage your life to give me these things, but you just aren’t good enough anymore to be my friend; you’re damaged goods. I was hurt, but at the same time, I’m glad. I was planning on doing my 20, then getting out, but as it stands right now, I’m eligible for an early retirement since I’m over 15 years, and you know what, I’m taking it. I feel good about this decision, though I have to still figure out specifics, legalities and politics, overall I think this will work in my favor.
One issue that came up today (one of two) is me having PTSD. I don’t know if I do or not, though I think I do suffer from areas of this. I get very tense in large crowds of people I don’t know, and prefer to stand to the outside of the crowd. I get tense when I see kids, protesters, and lovebirds standing at the overpasses on the way from home. I get nervous when I see the same car in traffic more than once a month, and have detoured through town when I see the same car multiple times a week. I get nervous when the lights are on in the house and it back-lights the windows so I can’t see what’s outside, or if there is a car parked on the highway for more than an hour, and most definitely for more than a day. I look everywhere for a bag out of place in stores or at work. I have a need that I can’t break to check around corners before I enter a room. These, however, don’t rule my life. I’ve been tense for so many years that I honestly would feel like I would be too normal without it, normal like not seeing the car that you’re turning into or blindly walking into someone clearly in front of you at the store, like they just appeared. I’d rather be vigilant and completely aware of my surroundings than not aware of any of them. There are other areas that I can’t really control, and they come sporadically, like if someone claps loud my heart starts racing and I sweat and become annoyingly aware of my surroundings.
I don’t have trust issues. Typically I know if I can trust someone and the extent of trust I can extend to them within minutes of knowing them. I did get bit once, really hard, but I don’t think once sets a pattern. I also knew better in my gut but decided that my gut had to be wrong then. I pick up on patterns that most people would never look at. This might come from my previous life, and some say it’s because I really don’t trust anybody; however, I don’t analyze patterns to uncover distrust or anything of the sort, but instead use it to help me make decisions. If I can reasonably estimate what the outcome is and the reactions, I can then start working on making those reactions and the outcome more favorable to everybody. It’s a sort of manipulation I guess, but no more than balancing an equation I feel.
The second issue that was brought up today was that I was a controlling ***. However, this came from someone who I feel is exactly the person he was describing in me…I digress. Those people that I trust, especially those that I trust implicitly, get that trust. I don’t feel the need ask questions, or to double check, or to manage those people. Specifically with my wife, I don’t feel that I control her, or even try. The opinion may be different from her perspective, and I’m hoping to talk to her about this. My trust was shaken in her recently, pretty badly, but there is a look that she gave me yesterday that even the best actress couldn’t fake. It went deeper than a facial expression.
I guess pertaining to this message I got from someone, and maybe I’m different in this, though I doubt it, is that a relationship works because of honesty and openness. Not just the relationships between husband and wife, but all relationships. There isn’t a level of honesty, because something like that can’t be leveled. One either has to be honest, or isn’t. If you’re honest half the time, or most the time, you still aren’t being honest. It’s one of the few things in life that it’s an all or none area, there really isn’t any middle ground. Though, now that I’m saying this, I have lied before…but the reasoning was to hopefully save lives where I strongly felt a bad decision was being made and did it. In an odd way I still feel bad about that and it was over 10 years ago, though it did work, so it’s hard to say what the right answer was, looking through the eyes of integrity.
More specifically on this issue however, I don’t thinka relationship can work because it’s being held together with only lies. The comment I got this morning was that their relationship was working because his wife didn’t know that he was lying to her about everything. That’s a castle built in the clouds, only a decent rain makes it go away and it falls. The question on this is, if this person treats the one he’s with like this, can’t it be assumed that everybody in his life will be treated like this? This goes back to the first issue, the control. In my observations, it’s the ones who lie about everything to everyone that is the one who is demanding the control, and will not let it go for anything.
Huh, interesting. I’m not going to go any deeper into this area than this. Initially, and gut feeling, is that this guy is very similar to my ex, the way she was with me.
