Of Pens and Swords

Jess says the noodles are worshiping me. I think I made a new life form that is usually found in the bottom of the ocean…land living.

I have a very dry possible/probable explanation for this, but I’m not going to ruin a perfectly good mystery with mumbo-jumbo geek speak.

I do think that maybe I found some sort of sorting device possibly. just not sure what I’d sort with boiling water in a microwave…noodles maybe.

Though I’m not going to even come close to stating that Jess and I are having serious problems, we’re having a little bit of a glitch. It’s coming from a few things on my end that I can identify automatically.

I’m not spending enough time solely with her. I know this, and I’m not sure of the fix but for both of us to find ways to reduce, or share, the workload more evenly. When I get stressed, I get introspective, and when she does, she gets more busy. So I end up sitting quietly in the living room and she goes around and GI’s the house…Having baby Sean adds a little to the stress as well, since neither of us have gotten anything close to a full nights sleep since he’s been born. We’re just both tired as hell, with eyes looking like the proverbial piss holes in the snow. It comes with the territory, and won’t last forever.

One thing that stresses me I guess is that I’m really tired of being locked in a house with no friends or social interaction. I’ve been locked up more or less for 4.5 years. Most of it is expense stuff, since I can’t justify going out and having fun when that one night will put the budget in the red. A year in Arifjan didn’t help, with that place truly being Ground Hog Day. My one escape is to go and game a little online. It gives me the opportunity to talk to other people, we’re all doing the same thing…it’s fun. It’s also cheaper, since I spend the same amount one time only that it would cost for a decent night out…$45 bucks. I just need social interaction. I need a little more than work and the living room. This is the big difference from Jess and I. She’s not a social person, and I am.

She’s mentioned that she thinks I’d be happier back on Active Duty. I don’t think so, for the most part. It’s hard to effect change in the Army, and gets harder when something really does need changing. What I miss about it though, is the social interaction. There were a lot of us, with a lot in common, a lot to talk about. We hung out in groups, so that there were always 10 of us somewhere doing something. That’s the part I miss. That and working in a tight, cohesive team. Life in the Army was metered by a series of accomplished goals. Life on the outside is not…the 5 major goals I have won’t be seen as accomplished for years to come. Until then, it’s just work to meet those goals. The small goals to meet the major ones are nice, but they also show how much more work is needed, so at times it’s hard to remain positive.

I know the biggest thing that is causing this glitch with us is that she’s a little more dependent on me for emotional support than I am of her, and I don’t give her all the support she needs from me a lot of the times. This is something that I have to work on, and keep working on. This is probably one of two or three major causes for relationships becoming a catastrophe, with communications and selfishness being the other two. The fine meshing of these three things, I feel, are what create the legs which we stand on. I guess Co-Dependence would be a good forth leg…that too has to be balanced. I digress.

I dunno. I just have to find a way to let Jess know that I do need a little me time, some time with quiet, some time with a little social interaction with others. Not a lot, just a little to break things up a bit. I know I have to give her more support at times too, let her know that I do feel that she is sexy as hell, that I’m very happy with her, and that I didn’t just settle. Well, I did just ’settle’, kind of like winning big at a slot machine…you get the big payout, it’s probably best to cash out right then and there, or else you’ll just leave broke and pissed off. I cashed out, and came home with something to show :)